Family Stories

My First Story

I have a story I wrote in January 1969! It’s about a Nigerian woman who is facing the unwelcome prospect of a second wife coming into the marriage. Her name is Ifeoma (my daughter’s middle name).

Ifeoma is aware that having no children is a major disadvantage for her. She decides to visit her mother who is ill. And she plans to leave her husband. She says “Surely you do not expect me to go back to Okonkwo! I can never be just one of his wives!”

But with the three co-wives who are caring deeply for her mother, she reevaluates her decision. In her own mind, she understands what it will be like when she is older and no one can care for her. She finally returns to her husband and accepts the decision.

She ends the story by saying she is ready for her husband to pay the dowry for the new wife. In fact, she says, “I hope she may come soon. I will have a lot to teach her.”

The story goes on for 9 pages, totally about 2700 words.

This was the first time I wrote about the village. I did not put pen to paper again until the 1980s. That was for my papers during the two years at the School of Management at Yale. In the 1990s I wrote about development and the necessity to help people and organizations in need. I continued in this vein until the mid 2000s.

But I also began to give speeches at the Unitarian Church. I first gave a talk about the value of the community, involving my husband, two of my three children, and a grandchild. Next I spoke about the value of belonging to a place and knowing it is yours forever. Finally I talked about the need for recognition and acknowledgement of one’s efforts.

And then I truly put pen to paper and crafted my first book, Nigeria Revisited, My Life and Loves Abroad. It was published in 2014. The second one, Breaking Kola, An Inside View of African Customs, was published in 2018.

I had accepted the role at ABC-Clio to write a book describing the foods of Nigeria. I was about 50% finished. But it’s not happening now. I guess they gave up on it with the pandemic. Maybe it will resurface later.

The Need for Assistance

My friend Kathy Roberts attended the meeting last Saturday of the Racial Justice Council at our Unitarian Church in Connecticut. I unfortunately missed David Vita’s email about finding the site so joined very late. She transcribed a couple of notes about what happened.

She said that the police accountability team had identified the Republican who wants to run for governor. Rainy Broomfield in Stamford CT is opposed to his run. She is working on this and wouldn’t mind having others to help her.

CIRICT, the refugee and assistance network in Bridgeport CT, has received a $900,000 grant to combat human trafficking. They fully deserve the praise.

Their full name is Connecticut Institute for Refugees and Immigrants. To date CIRI has nearly reached their goal of the number of Afghan refugees they have helped. In their piece about what they do to assist, they include this:

Thomas fled his home of Democratic Republic of Congo after being imprisoned, tortured, and losing his wife. 

Thomas ended up at the Tongogara refugee camp in Zimbabwe where he met his second wife and where his two daughters were born. The family spent seven years in the camp until they were approved for resettlement in Connecticut. CIRI found them a home and helped them meet their basic needs. We facilitated Thomas’ access to English classes and employment opportunities; we connected his daughters to peer mentoring, the Girls’ Club and the Refugee Summer Academy. Our Immigration Legal Services helped them get their green cards and apply for citizenship. This fall, Thomas proudly took the oath of citizenship, finally becoming an American citizen.

Thomas Kitoko, Refugee from Democratic Republic of Congo
Father, grandfather, and proud American citizen

Another friend of mine volunteers here and gives them great praise.