April 1 Birthday, Essays on Micro-Aggression

No April Fool

My husband Clem’s birthday was Monday, April 1. I gave him a lovely sentimental card in the morning. No birthday cake, but I put a candle in a piece of Starbuck’s Banana Nut Bread for him.

Also no party though he did get a Happy Birthday sung for him. My Sister Grannies were here in the evening. I enlisted them to sing with me.

Then he retired upstairs while we carried on with our usual wine, food and conversation. When I went up later I gave Clem a second lovely card – I hadn’t been able to choose between the two!

Sister Grannies Share Sorrow . . . 

After Clem left us, we sister grannies spoke first about our friend and fellow granny Ellie. She was home with her husband Lorry who had been ill and was by Monday in hospice care. He died yesterday. I went to the funeral this afternoon.

I didn’t know him well, but even in our brief encounters I could tell that he was a loving husband and father. All the speakers today confirmed his commitment to ethical living, his devotion to helping others, and his interest in making the world a better place.

. . . And Give Advice

Each month our group of grandmothers choose a topic to write about. Our topic this month was “Advice for a New Grandmother.” We all went back to our experiences with our own grandchildren to say what had worked well for part of our essays.

I wrote about the trips I took with grandchildren. First was with Kenechi to Italy; later with Nkiru to Hawaii. Both trips were with Roads Scholars when the children were 14, and both were fabulous!

I hope I can take Teya and Bruche when they are older. I’d let them decide where they want to go, as I did with Kenechi and Nkiru. I wonder where they would choose?

Will I be able to take Ikem?

One grandma said she asked her grandchildren what advice she should give to a new grandmother. My favorite: “Don’t come to school uninvited!” There were other forms of “Don’t embarrass me in front of my friends!”

We all said a grandmother should not worry about spoiling her grandchildren – that’s her role! She should also be a non-critical listener.

And we each felt it was important to spend time with each grandchild alone – just the grandmother and grandchild – to form a solid bond.

Do you have advice to offer?

Next month we’re writing a letter to a grandchild. Will I offer advice? Tell family stories? We’ll see what happens!

Another Onyemelukwe Cousin Excels

Suicide is always devastating to family and friends. In Nigeria, it is a crime!

Cheluchi Onyemelukwe Onuobia, the older sister of Akaoma, whom I wrote about in my last post, also does amazing work in Nigeria. She is the founder and Executive Director of the Centre for Health Ethics Law and Development.

Two years ago a young man who attempted suicide was arrested for his crime. He was eventually released to the care of people from a church group.

But Cheluchi believes the law should be changed. “I believe it doesn’t reflect who we are as Nigerians… it is inhumane and I know that we can do better than that. I think it is probably the worst possible thing that you could do to somebody who finds themselves in that sort of situation,” she said, according to an article from CNN in MyJoyOnline.

Lagos State has changed its law to recommend hospital treatment for those who attempt suicide. But the law at the national level remains. Cheluchi says there is no effort underway now to change it.

I wish her well in her effort to get the law removed from the books!

TEAM Westport Essay Contest Winners

The topic of this year’s TEAM essay contest was micro-aggression. The prizes were awarded on April 3 and the winners read their essays. Dan Woog posted them the next day – you can read them in Dan’s blog.

I’ll write about them next time too, so don’t worry if you can’t read them all now. But I’m willing to bet that once you start, you won’t want to stop!